Joke FFVII
by Duo472VII
Summary: When the evil, bigheaded Sephiroth captures wonderful Aeris. The team will have go into the horrible Castle of Doom to save her. What will happen next?...!


Joke Final Fantasy VII One day in a far land not so far from the village of Midgar there lived a beautiful princess named Aeris. She was intellegent and loved all the animals around her. Then one day the evil and bigheaded Sephiroth came and kidnapped her to his Castle of Doom. He demanded to see Cloud, the loving warrior of love. As Cloud ran to the castle, Tifa his partner came out of the woods and told him that she loved him so don't go back for Aeris. Cloud loved Aeris too much that he couldn't stop now but to hurry to seek Aeris's love for him. As Tifa tried to persuade Cloud, Cid came out and confessed his love for Tifa. " Oh, Tifa my dearest for so long I waited for my match and she came, it is you my love". Tifa hit Cid with her fist and told him he was to old for her. Cid cried and said " We are only twelve years apart, other people are more than that". While Yuffie was walking down the street she saw Vincent buying a gun. She gasped and raned over to him and hugged him. He screamed and yelled," Vhat the zh#t are you v#uken doing." Yuffie then confessed her only true love for Vincent. Then as Barret came over Vincent yelled,"My love Barret come and have some tea with me will you?" Barret screamed,"Are you f#cken gay man, I thought you was my buddy but now I know that you were only my buddy to get close to me!" Then Vincent whispered with a gasped that he was only pretenting to be gay to get Yuffie out of his way, all the time. Barret let out a big sigh and said to Vincent, " Hey, honey, how nice to see you in such a day like this, lets go to tea darling." They left Yuffie without any explanation. Back at Cloud's scene Red 13 jumped out of the woods asked everyone if they wanted some toney (a type of weed) to sniff and lick. Everyone took some and then threw the toney on the ground to rust. Cait Sith was on a flying carpet with a magical lamp. He said that the magic lamp holds the spirits of each one of them if they don't get their butts up to The Castle of Doom. As Cloud led the team to the castle Yuffie ran towards them and screamed, "Vincent and Barret are gay!" Everyone stopped dead in their tracks and turned around slowly. They yelled, " What!" "You heard me," said Yuffie, "Vincent and Barret are soooooo gay." Meanwhile Vincent and Barret galloped their way to Cloud and the rest of the team. Cloud asked " Are you two really you know what?" "What", said Vincent. "You know?!" yelled Cloud very fusturated. "I still don't know what you mean Cloud," said Vincent. " FOR GOD SAKES ARE YOU TWO GAY WITH EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!" screamed Cloud. "Uh oh, we're in trouble, big time!" said Vincent and Barret. Vincent and Barret told Cloud and the others but Yuffie about the plan to get Yuffie off Vincent's back. Cloud then said, " Oh, I always knew they were gay, Yuffie." " What, all you guys knew they were freaken gay except me!!!!, well lets just go get Aeris from the evil Sephiroth up in his Castle of Doom, why would they even put this all over town if no one was going to save her!!" yelp Yuffie. Cloud gathered ups the group and they all went up to the evil castle where the bigheaded Sephiroth was. When they got up there, Cloud needed to go pee really bad so they told Cloud that they would wait for him while he goes behind the bush. While Cloud was gone the evil Sephiroth came and took a net and captured everyone in the team except Cloud since he wasn't there with the others. When Cloud got back from doing his buisness he said, "Hey where did everyone go in a time like this." Cloud knew something fishy was going on but he just couldn't put his finger on it. As he walked into the castle he sees weird unusual things like apple pie mix with spiders and cotton candy mix with black worms. Cloud wondered if this was what Sephiroth eats for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Never mind from that fact but he was determind that his friends were playing with his mind. It has past five hours and he still can't find his friends anywhere. Then he figures it out that his friends had been working with the evil Sephiroth. He can not trust anyone but himself. At Sephiroth's layer he laughs at all the idiots around him. Then Tifa fell in love with Sephiroth because she though he was much cuter than Cloud. Her heart feeled with love and now she was daydreaming. Cid tried to find a way to get out of the cage. They can not use their weapons because Sephiroth tricked them into taking their weapons while they were drunk off of the wisky Sephiroth gave them. Red 13 offers Sephiroth some of his lovely toney to sniff and lick. Sephiroth asked, "What is toney?" and Red 13 said,"It helps you get stronger and get hotter chicas." Sephiroth then sniffed and licked the toney. Vincent then asked Sephiroth to open the cage and to give them back their weapons, so he did. They tied Sephiroth up and went to find Aeris and Cloud. While they were doing that Cloud heard a voice while walking in the halls of the castle. " Help, help, someone help save me from this place, help!" Then Cloud heard some footsteps he started to get scared, then he remembered that he was a warrior of love not a warrior of fear. So Cloud tried to hear the voice again, but he remembered that the voice sounded like someone he knows. There is no use to help anyone he remembers that he can not trust anyone but himself. Everyone is working for the side of Sephiroth and he will not turn to the evil side like everyone else. He sat thinking and he remembered that Aeris wasn't with them when they disappeard, so there is hope that Aeris might still be good and not on the side of the evil Sephiroth. So Cloud continued to find Aeris and the voice he had heard a while ago. Meanwhile the other part of the team is walking around but Tifa asked if they could take Sephiroth with them. Barret said," Tifa he is evil and we can't risk him using his evil powers on us, but don't worry we will kill him when we find Cloud and Aeris." Yuffie was trying to get close to Vincent so Barret grabbed his arm and said, "Honey hold me tight, I'm scared of this spooky place." Cait Sath said, " Oh, brother here we go again with the gay talk." Yuffie backed out of Barret's way and sighed. Tiffa yelled "Cloud, Aeris, where are you two." But no sign was left. Back at Clouds while he was creeping around the castle trying to find his way to Aeris. Cloud got lonely and sat in the darkness all alone and tired of looking around. Then he heard some noises to his right. He stood up and said, "Who is there?" "Cloud is that you?" said a voice as soft as the wind blowing against the brown sand at the beach. It was Tifa but Cloud didn't trust anyone so he took out his sword and said, " Stand back or I will eliminate all of you guys." Tifa said, " What is wrong with you Cloud it's me Tifa and I don't like you anymore, I like Sephiroth now." "I knew it, you all of you were working with Sephiroth all this time," said Cloud. Cid yelled, " What us working beside the evil, hard headed, apple face, drug eater. No I don't think so Cloud." "Then why did you guys leave me all alone when I went to go to use the bathroom," said Cloud. " We didn't leave you, Sephiroth captured us and took our weapons. We got out by the help of Red 13 giving Sephiroth some toney," said Barret. Cloud then believed them and they went off to find Aeris. As they were walking through the hall of the castle they heard a voice calling out saying, " Somebody help me, is any one going to get me out of these chains or do I have to rescue myself." The team knew that the voice was Aeris and decided to follow the voice to the room she was kepted in. When the team got to the room they saw Aeris tied up in chains and she looked very devastated. Aeris was so glad to see them that she hallowed, "Thank you finally someone came to rescue me now get me out fast so I can go home." Just when Cloud was about to hit the chains with his sword, Sephiroth came and yelled, "There is a bomb on those chains and if you break them then you all will die including me." " That's vine with me, since ve came to kill you," said Vincent. "No we can't die I am going to spend my eternal life with Sephiroth," said Tifa. "You shouldn't spend your life with the evil Sephiroth, who knows what he will do to you!" yelled Cloud. As clever as Red 13 was he took some toney and stuffed it in Sephiroth's mouth and Sephiroth ate it and he fainted. They took a key that was in Sephiroth's hand and they unlocked Aries. Aeris ran to Cloud and threw out a thank you to him. A month later Aeris was with Cloud they had two kids, one was named Cloud Jr. and the other was named Little Aeris. Vincent was still stuck with Yuffie bothering him around and Yuffie became a doctor because Vincent became a doctor. Cait Sith hanged out with Barret and Red 13, while Red 13 was cooking up some beef ravioli and eating toney. Cid got married to someone who looked like Tiffa but her name was Ciffa he and his wife had four kids named Jo, Bo, So, and Lo, he wanted to ryme the kids names. Tiffa, she got her wish and she went to Sephiroth's castle of Doom every now and then to bother him. Sephiroth became nice to everyone in the town of Midgar; he even gave money to the orpanage. When they defeated Sephiroth they found millions of dollars in one of the rooms that was in his castle and the funny thing is that Sephiroth didn't even know that all that money was in the castle. And everyone lived happily ever after!!!!!!  
  
THE  
END! 


End file.
